For the past few days, I have been at the Bhava Spandana Program organized by the Isha Foundation in Lebanon. It is an intensive residential program in yoga and meditation, and it requires Inner Engineering as a prerequisite. In this post, I will not write about the program but rather about my experience of the program.
The program, as I mention above is intensive, and it is also intense. It felt like a rebirthing process more than anything, and I feel completely reborn after this including feeling new to this world. My experiences with everything seem completely new and almost alien to the extent that I feel I do not recognize the life paths I was on. My job feels alien and my studies feel like someone else’s. It does not help that I had deleted (by mistake) all my files off my personal laptop before leaving to the program. I wonder if that was somehow done intentionally, but it is a metaphor of what happened to me in the program, for what was left of me were the essentials. Even my body is suffering and feels alien to me. I can feel muscles I have not felt before.
What we went through in this program are fierce yoga and meditation exercises that metaphorically broke every single bone in the body. These exercises pushed me to the extreme, and what came out on the other side is a transformed being. I am yet to realize the extent of this transformation, but what I know for sure is that the good in me has been multiplied tenfold.
One of the exercises was a moment of birth for me, and the silence afterward felt like the first year of life. Taking a shower after that felt like a baptism, and I could feel every single drop falling on my head and body. Eating was also another mind-blowing experience. Flavors were bursting in my mouth, and I was satiated after eating only a few seeds. The grape that exploded in my mouth was euphoric, and I could not hold back the tears. I shed more tears in this program than I have during my adult life.
All forms of life I was observing around me were seen as if for the first time. After that, it was all a whole new world to me. I saw life with a fresh set of eyes. I realized that we go through life noticing the beauty of what humans create from science to technology to art, but we never notice the beauty of life. Every single lifeform from flowers to grass to ants to bees to insects to petals to humans is a great piece of art that we are seeing and missing. We become oblivious to everything around us. Just like a filthy rich person who stops seeing the luxury he is surrounded with or the person who has so many clothes and does not know what to wear because of the abundance of choices, I was going through life oblivious to the blessings I live in. My world was engineered, but my inner workings were chaotic. This is what happens when we have a lot. We stop seeing. We become immune and immunity here is not positive. Every form of life is striking, and we need to remain in awe. If we can remain in awe, we experience the “awe”someness of life.
What changed in me as well is that before BSP, I felt that my life was lacking love. I had no partner to love. I had friends and family to love, but no relationship. Now, I feel that I have so much love in my life and so many people to love and be in love with. I have 89 new partners I am head-over-heels in love with (every single one of them). The love I was given and the love I gave was equivalent to all the love I felt my entire life from life partners.
The process is not easy, and I had to dive headfirst into it, but I was ready to do so. Even my life was ready for it, for everything that led to BSP was in place. I had just moved apartments and had endured an end to a relationship that had lasted for six years, six months, and six days.
Yesterday, I was born again. My new birthday is September 15, 2019. Today, I am one day old. I came to this life with so much realization on how to carry on. Yesterday, I left in Bzommar heaps of Karma. I also shed a lot of skin and flesh and even left a bone or two on the ground somewhere. I felt cold and naked, but I was free. I was free of my old self, and there is no larger sense of freedom than that. Sadhguru gave birth to me this time, for I was born out of his womb, and Isha is my new last name.